This one’s for all the administrative assistants out there. You know you’re awesome and indispensable, but it doesn’t always feel like other people think the same way. Sometimes your bosses take you for granted, and every time that happens you take a deep breath and remind yourself that murder is really hard to get away with. Well enough is enough, I say! So the next time you feel unappreciated, here’s what I want you to do.
You’ve probably heard that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. But chains are still pretty strong, and anyway who wants to be compared to one? So instead, let’s use a more relatable metaphor. Think of your boss as the head of the body, while you are everything else – hands, arms, feet, body, liver, pancreas, kidneys and so on. (This exercise will be a lot more enjoyable if you don’t think of yourself as a kidney.) Together you’re able to make things happen.
But sometimes heads get full of themselves and forget that they’re only a part of the solution. So I’ve taken the liberty of writing down everything a head could theoretically do without the rest of the body. Here goes!
Talk
Heads are really good at talking, and some of the things they say are hilarious! Alas, a head without a body would only be able to talk to people in the immediate vicinity, since it wouldn’t be able to pick up a phone. However, people tend not to stay very long in the vicinity of a severed head. I suppose it could roll its way toward a crowd, but I also suppose that everyone in that crowd would run away screaming when they saw a head rolling toward them. So while the head could talk, it wouldn’t really have anyone to talk to.
Eat
Heads are experts at this. They eat more than any other part of our body, which is why managers love going to lunch with people. A lot of important things can get accomplished over lunch, or dinner, or an afternoon cocktail hour. So let’s give credit where it’s due. Thanks for eating, heads!
Think
Heads have some of the best thoughts there are. Alas, without anyone to talk to (see “reasons people don’t like being around severed heads” in the Talk section above), even the best thoughts aren’t worth very much. It takes action in order to turn thoughts into reality, and heads are very bad at acting. Seriously, the Oscars don’t even have a Best Head and Face category, because there wouldn’t be enough entrants to make it a real competition.
So there you go! By themselves, your bosses would be talking, thinking, eating machines that would terrify people if they came rolling down the street. You’ve now been exposed to the weirdest metaphor that you’re going to read this week, but hopefully it makes you feel better about yourself and what you accomplish. Because I’m guessing your boss does a lot more than eat, talk, and think – but they wouldn’t be able to do any of those other things without you.
