Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

Impostor syndrome is one of the most insidious challenges to our mental well-being.  In case you aren’t familiar with the phrase (although I’m guessing you are), impostor syndrome is a fairly common phenomenon in which individuals doubt their abilities and/or feel like they don’t deserve their accomplishments.  Put another way, you think you’re in over your head, that everyone else has figured it out better than you have, and that eventually everyone on the planet is going to suddenly realize that you don’t really know what you’re doing and don’t belong where you are.

If that sounds like you or someone you know, you’re not alone.  None of those imagined catastrophes are likely to happen, by the way.  But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel like they will.  So now that we’re clear on what we’re dealing with, let’s figure out how to get rid of it.

Fundamentally, impostor syndrome occurs when the story we tell ourselves about ourselves is a predominantly negative one.  You make a mistake, for example, and start telling yourself that you always mistakes.  Then, the next time you make a mistake – look at that!  Further proof that you only ever make mistakes.  The problem isn’t that you’re imperfect.  Everybody is, even me.  (I know, I know – hard to believe, right?)  The problem occurs when you begin focusing on all the negative things in life and downplay or flat-out forget the positive things.

Which means the solution to impostor syndrome is deceptively straightforward.  Very simply, impostor syndrome fades away when the story we tell ourselves about ourselves is a balanced or predominantly positive one.

How exactly do you do that?  Well, there a lot of different approaches:

• You can recognize your accomplishments, of which I’m certain you have several – but if it’s hard for you to remember them, consider writing them down so you can remind yourself of them on a regular basis.
• Engage in positive self-talk – daily affirmations, motivational journaling, whatever works best for you.
• Challenge negative self-talk whenever possible – so the next time you make a mistake, you might combat any feelings of impostor syndrome by reminding yourself of a time when you did something right.
• Since impostor syndrome is frequently characterized by a fear of failure, you might consider failure as an opportunity to learn and grow, rather than being the final word on your ability and potential.
• You should also try to avoid comparing yourself to others. Other people’s successes have no bearing on your own ability to succeed, and their failures don’t mean that you’ll experience the same ones.  The less you look at other people’s lives, the more you’ll be able to concentrate on your own.
• And, as with anything involving the development of a healthy sense of self, don’t hesitate to seek support when necessary. Telling yourself that you are, in fact, a good person is important – but it’s not going to hurt you to hear that from someone else, too.

So there you go.  Plenty of strategies.  We’re all done, right?

Well, maybe.  Changing your internal narrative might be as easy as knowing that you need to.  But you may have read all that and thought to yourself, “That’s all well and good.  But what if nothing good has ever happened to me?”

And to that I say – never?  You mean like actually NEVER?  Never in your entire life have you succeeded at something, made a friend, enjoyed an experience, made someone laugh, supported others through difficult times – never, any of that?  That strains credulity, don’t you think.  I don’t know you very well, but I’m willing to bet that you actually have had some successes.  You may just be having a hard time remembering them.

Impostor syndrome is the result of practice, probably years of practice telling yourself negative things about your skills and ability.  So it may take some time to practice telling yourself a different story.  But the ingredients for telling yourself that more positive story are all right there, waiting for you to pick them up.  Once you begin looking at them and focusing more on your successes than your failures, those feelings of being an impostor will slowly but surely start to fade away.