Wedding season is just around the corner, and we all know what that means. It means that all across the world, women everywhere are going crazy trying to figure out how to incorporate all of the things they’ve pinned on Pinterest into a single, cohesive wedding. I’m pretty sure some girls are already trying to figure out who they’re going to marry next so that they can organize all their ideas into different folders. Seriously, ladies, you can only have so many cake toppers.
And, in honor of the truly paralyzingly overwhelming onslaught that Pinterest subjects its users to, I’d like to share a few ideas that will help you ruin what would have otherwise been a perfectly enjoyable social media experience:
Sign Up for Every Social Media Platform You Are Aware Of! This is the equivalent of taking every single class that your university offers. Different social media platforms are useful for different audiences, and it’s fine to have a few favorites. But you know how when you join too many groups you end up being a crappy (and really stressed out) member of each of those groups? Well, it’s the exact same in Computerland.
Post on All of Those Social Media Platforms A Ridiculous Number of Times Every Day! This will allow you to avoid the tedious business of living your life. Contrary to popular belief, something amazing does not happen every 32 minutes. Odds are you take a billion pictures on vacation and then systematically delete 90% of them – crap, crap, eww, crap, dear God I look terrible in that one, delete, crap, etc. But that shouldn’t stop you from posting every thought you have every time you have it. After all, pancakes are awesome! And everyone you know needs to know that.
Take Everyone at Face Value When They Say Their Life is ABSOLUTELY OH MY GOD SO AMAZINGLY PERFECT!!!! This is the true danger of social media, and it doesn’t matter what platform you’re using. Very rarely does anyone post the following: “Here’s a normal picture of me looking average and doing something that was sort of fun but to be honest I would have rather been home sleeping.” Because of the ease with which users can post only the best parts of their lives (edited and Photoshopped, too), social media has an incredible ability to make the rest of us feel like our lives aren’t quite as interesting as everyone else’s. Which means the more you actually believe everything you read, the more likely you are to be drinking yourself unconscious every night. Not that I would know, of course. My life is perfect. I’m so lucky to be me!!!!
So there you have it. I hope I’ve taught you how to use social media to make your life miserable. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m planning a wedding right now, and I have to figure out how to send out my invitations. I have 150 pinned ideas, and 150 guests, so I think I’ll use a different method for everybody. I’ll talk to you after my inevitable stint in a mental asylum!
