Go Ahead and Steal My Car, Just Don’t Touch My Laptop or My iPhone!

I’m glad it’s this week, but that means it’s not last week.  Last week someone broke into my girlfriend’s office and stole her phone, along with a coworker’s headphones and someone else’s laptop. I think I would actually rather someone steal my car.  What’s a stolen laptop worth – $400, maybe $500?  But the information on it, 99% of which is completely worthless to anyone other than the owner, is worth about a billion dollars to the owner.   They didn’t even bother to leave her shiny pink protector case.And, in honor of whoever did it, I’d like to recommend to you a few things you can do to make sure that eventually you become the last person chosen for the volleyball teams at your annual summer company picnic:

Steal From Your Coworkers! Sort of already covered this.  But just to drive the point home, there are cameras everywhere, and eventually people will find out.  Plus your simple theft will almost single-handedly ruin the trust in your department.  Is that worth a few hundred bucks on eBay?  I don’t think so!

Hit “Reply All” to Every Email!  In this scenario, all you’ll be stealing from people is their sanity, which for some of us is actually more valuable than gadgets.  You’ve heard the phrase “Get out of email jail,” I’m sure.  Well now you can be the warden!

Consistently Volunteer for Various Responsibilities and Then Fail to Follow Through!  It’s acceptable to occasionally forget about things you were supposed to do – it’s not the best thing in the world, but it happens to all of us, especially since we’re generally always busy.  But the fact that you volunteered for the responsibilities and decided not to bother carrying through on your promises is way more annoying.  And if you don’t believe me, you just sit at home while I do all your grocery shopping for you.  Seriously, it would be my pleasure.  Don’t you worry about a thing.

That’s all for now.  But please, if you happen to see someone walking around with an iPhone with a shiny pink protector case on it, let me know.  It’s probably the same person – and I don’t want to brag or anything, but I’m almost a yellow belt in jujitsu.  They won’t stand a chance.