Finding a way to connect to other people is an important part of life – in our personal relationships, obviously, but also in business. It is of course perfectly fine to have professional relationships that are entirely transactional. I do not, for example, have a deep connection most of the people who take my money at the stores where I buy things, and I’m pretty confident that they don’t think of my very often themselves. But in general, we have more successful relationships (happier, more profitable, etc.) with people for whom we feel some kind of connection.
That’s what building rapport is all about, connecting with other people on a personal and genuine level. The word ‘genuine’ is important here, because as I’m sure you know from your own experience, connections that feel artificial aren’t very successful at creating rapport. People everywhere want to feel seen, known, and valued – and because of that, the strategies we use to develop rapport with our colleagues and customers are the same ones we use to develop it with our friends and family. Learning their names, making small talk, celebrating their successes and empathizing with their concerns, finding common interests, listening attentively, offering sincere encouragement or compliments, remembering details from their lives – really anything that shows we care about them, understand where they’re coming from, and want them to be happy and successful is part of the process of building rapport. There are actually so many right ways to build rapport that you don’t have to worry about doing everything all at once. Whatever combination of approaches works best for you is almost certainly going to succeed.
So how exactly will you know that it’s working? Well, one indication is when your interactions become less and less scripted. That may seem somewhat counterintuitive, until you remember that we don’t script most of the conversations we have with our family and close friends (unless we’re talking about something extremely important and want to make sure we say everything right). But making small talk, offering sincere compliments, showing enthusiasm for people’s hopes and dreams – those are things you just can’t script very well. Those moments happen sporadically and spontaneously, which might make it seem almost impossible that they’ll ever happen.
But that gets to the real heart of building rapport – you build rapport by wanting to build rapport. That’s really all there is. If you actually want to develop a connection with your customers, for example, you’ll find ways to do so. You’ll take an interest in them that won’t be forced or fake; you’ll hear them say things that remind you of one of your own experiences; you’ll learn things about them that you’ll be able to bring up again in future interactions. The more you want to develop rapport, the easier it will become – and eventually, through enough interactions, the line between ‘random person’ and ‘friend’ will be harder and harder to distinguish.
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This article is adapted from our video training course on Building Customer Relationships available at LevityUniversity.com
