So, the people you work with and employ could stand to improve in various ways. That fair, since it’s true about all of us. But talking to people about the mistakes they make or the ways they might improve is a delicate and often difficult task. So here we’re going to discuss how to provide constructive feedback to others in ways that will ensure that your conversations are productive and well-received.
It turns out there’s a bit of a formula we can follow when offering constructive criticism to others. A healthy body of research suggests that for every critical or negative thing you say to someone – friend, colleague, employee, etc. – you will eventually need to say five positive things to offset the negative one. In other words, the healthiest ratio of positive-to-negative communication is somewhere around 5-to-1.
Unfortunately, most of us fall a little short of this. And the most common way that we fall short is by resorting to the compliment sandwich. This is a 2-to-1 ratio of positive-to-negative that doesn’t always do what it’s intended to. An example would be something like this:
EMPLOYEE: You wanted to see me? MANAGER: Yes. I finally had a chance to look over your proposal, and I really like the way you’ve laid it all out. However, I still think it needs a lot of work, and I’d like you to get me a revision on this by next Monday. But I really appreciate you turning it in on time.
The compliment sandwich might make you feel like you’re being more complimentary than critical, but it usually comes across as a weak attempt to couch your criticism between two insincere pieces of praise. “Good” criticism, on the other hand, requires a little more effort to convince people that the criticism you’re about to share is an honest attempt to help them improve, rather than a thinly-veiled attempt to knock them down a peg or two. For example:
EMPLOYEE: You wanted to see me? MANAGER: Yes. I finally had a chance to look over your proposal. EMPLOYEE: Great! And? MANAGER: There are a lot of good things about what you’ve done here. I like the layout, I like all of the marketing ideas. This is a very solid start, and if we sent it out like this, I think it would work. But there’s something about the product description that I think could be better. I’m not sure this does the best possible job of explaining what we really have to offer. I’m not saying it’s bad, but I am saying I think there’s room for improvement. So I’d like you to give that section another shot. The rest of it is great, though, don’t change a thing.
If you go back to the previous example and actually count the positive and negative comments, you’ll see something much closer to a 5-to-1 ratio. And you definitely heard the request to improve – or, if you’re more cynical, the implication that something somebody did wasn’t quite good enough – but hopefully it didn’t feel too heavy. It should have sounded like an honest attempt to help somebody improve some particular element of the way they do business. Which, of course, is exactly the point of providing constructive feedback.
Now, do you have to find 5 nice things to say every time you want to offer constructive feedback? Of course not. There are times when things will be seriously wrong and there won’t be 5 nice things to say, or 2, or even 1. There will be other times when you’ll only have good things to say, and nothing constructive or critical. This 5-to-1 ratio is a guide to help you throughout your entire relationship with a colleague or employee, not just specific interactions. So make it your mission to be significantly more positive than negative when you interact with others, and you should see a significant improvement in the health of your personal and professional relationships.
