This year, you probably asked Santa for a pony. Or a laser cannon, or socks – I don’t really know, but you probably didn’t ask for better work-life balance, even though it’s something you probably want. Most of us do. So, operating under the assumption that Santa didn’t put that one under the tree, I’m going to do what I can to help you find it.
For pretty much all of us who aren’t independently wealthy or retired or focused solely on our careers, doing our jobs involves a collection of stressors and responsibilities, and going about our personal lives involves a different collection of stressors and responsibilities. When both are relatively well-balanced, we’re generally happy.
But there are two conditions that can upset this balance. Sometimes one of these areas starts consuming more and more of our time and energy until we feel like we’re sacrificing too much of our other half – and sometimes our responsibilities in both areas become so overwhelming that we feel like we’re failing at everything. However, regardless of which kind of imbalance you’re feeling, the solution starts in the same place.
You need to learn to say no.
That’s the key. That’s the secret. All of us have a finite amount of time and energy, and choosing to spend that time and energy on one thing means that we are simultaneously choosing not to spend it on others. And all of us occasionally agree to do more things than we have time and energy for – not because we’re weak or incompetent, but because we’re people.
Let’s assume you have six things due tomorrow. In a perfect world, when that fourth or fifth person said, “Hey, can you get this done for me tomorrow?” you would have said, “Actually, no I can’t, I’ve got some other things taking priority. Can I get these to you at the end of the week?” Which by the way is exactly what you’re going to end up saying anyway, aren’t you?
Or let’s imagine that you’re trying to juggle your work life with your responsibilities as a parent. You’re driving your kids from school to practice while attempting to finish a work call or (worse) glancing at your phone while driving. We’ve all done it. But wouldn’t it be better for everyone if we just said no to one of them and concentrated on the other? Ask someone else to drive your kids while you finish whatever needs finishing – OR do your work after you’ve spent some quality time in the car with your children and they’re safely to wherever they need to be.
I think one of the hardest things for most people to understand about saying no, in the work-life balance context, is that it doesn’t always mean you’re not going to do something. Sometimes it does. But sometimes it means you aren’t going to do it right now. You’re forcing yourself to recognize what needs to happen now and what can happen later.
Then, once you’ve given yourself permission to take some things off your plate, you’ll be able to identify your most important tasks (which may be work responsibilities one day and personal responsibilities the next) and take care of them. Doing this effectively will require you to focus on one thing at a time – or, to put it another way, focus on what you are doing instead of what you’re not doing. None of us can do six things at once, and thinking about the five you’re not doing right now is a fantastic recipe for bitterness and burnout.
OK, so maybe the secret to a healthy work-life balance requires a little more work than I initially let on. But it really does all start with a single, simple word. No. Learn to say no. You were an absolute master at this when you were three years old, so I’m pretty sure you can do it now too.
Have a great 2024!
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This article is adapted from our Mental Well-Being course
